This post is a collection of my thoughts and concerns from the last few weeks.
I promise I haven’t really fallen of the Earth although my posts here seem to have indicated it. In reality, I’ve been overcome with things to do and I have too many tasks going on, and I think I’ve found myself at yet another crossroad in my life.
Lately, I have become extremely scatterbrained (instead of just a little bit like usual); I find it really difficult to remember little things such as a conversation that I held only a day ago – because during that conversation I was also thinking about something else that I need to get done, or an idea that I need to make sure to write down before I forget. In terms of my knitting and crocheting, I have felt blocked every time I have tried to start a new project – as if I’ve forgotten how to do it even though I understand and remember all the motions. Even though I want to make something, I feel as if it’s lost some of its appeal to me because for the last few semesters it has turned into a daunting job instead of a relaxing hobby. I don’t like this feeling of being unfocused.
I have gotten to the point where I feel as if a stick has been thrown into the spokes of my life, and I won’t be able to move onward until I decide the best way to remove it.
For me, I have determined that the best way to remove the stick is to choose a single subject to major in. At the moment, I am majoring in both Fibers and Photography, and not only do I think it is unwise to have two different focuses to be identified by in my artistic life, but I think I should lessen the burden on myself (and my living space) by choosing one or the other to focus on. The decision that I have made is to focus on Photography.
I have a lot of reasons as to why I have chosen Photography that I won’t go into right now, but inevitably I think that it will create space in my life that I desperately need both emotionally and physically.
I will continue to do fibers work because I do love it, but it will not be what I focus on as a working artist. I enjoy the processes of fiber arts, and the colors and textures are always interesting to me, but I don’t see it as a subject that captures me as conceptually as photography does. My mind sees “pictures” all the time, and I feel that I can best interpret, express, and share those mental images through a photograph. In speaking for myself as an artist, I feel the need to be able to speak about the work I create in a way that can not only cause reaction with an audience, but also to feel a deep connection to what I am trying to share with others. I need to feel that I am creating a sort of message instead of creating something that is only aesthetically pleasing, which is how I feel about my fiber art. This is not to be confused with how I feel about other fiber artists, because I can find meaning in many other artist’s work, but I feel that I personally don’t convert my feelings and thoughts into fiber art successfully like I can through photography.
So overall, my decision to narrow my focus will give me clarity in my life. I also believe that I will be able to enjoy the simple act of crafting something through knitting, crochet, spinning, etc. and it will bring me more joy than it has in the last few months.